We sometimes say we leave marriages because we are no longer happy and God wants us to be happy. How true is this statement though? Are we supposed to be getting married to be happy? Shouldn’t we be happy beings before getting married? Placing this much responsibility of your own happiness on another party is both unfair and unrealistic because people are fallible. We will disappoint them and they will disappoint us. So often times we get married for the purpose of being happy. This kind of thinking bothers me because it precludes that my happiness is dependent on another person doing something I want/like/agree with, an event or something outside of me, and something yet to come. So essentially until I acquire that, my happiness is on standby, and happiness is always in the future. I am not happy because I don’t have a car I want, or I am not happy because I don’t have the job I want, I am not happy because I don’t have a bigger house, or I am not happy because I have no kids or because I’m still single. So in this context then, it’s like marriage becomes the end (happiness) and until then, a person kind of exists in a holding position.
I believe this is why people can sometimes feel stuck or bored after getting married for a certain period. Could this be because people put so much expectations on a marriage or on a partner than it / they are able to hold? How about we look at marriage perhaps as a means to an end instead of the end? In the beginning of time, God created man and put him in a garden before giving him a companion. So this teaches us a life principle. Perhaps one needs to tend to their own ‘garden’ call it purpose, assignment etc… ideally (as far possible as they can) before they get married. This way, marriage then becomes a vehicle through which God affords both of you the awesome privilege to experience someone coming along side you, in support of your bigger purpose. So I submit that we shouldn’t be getting married just to get married or to be happy, or even just because we love each other. Because when we are done saying we love each other, and are having all the sex we can have, what else do we do and talk about? What else connects us other than our physicality? In our quest to avoid sexual immorality, we sometimes get married for the wrong reasons. How about we then look at happiness as a by product of a good marriage instead of its purpose? How about we re-look the reasons we are getting married? Is it for ourselves and our own needs? The Bible encourages us to do all we do for His glory (1 Cor 10:31). So whether we are pursuing contentment in our single lives or faithfully trusting God for a marriage, it should all be for His glory.
I have no definitive proof but I believe unhappy singles make unhappy couples because all that’s changed would be your marital status. Otherwise you’re the same person, just with someone you’ve promised forever to and whether or not you’ll be able to live those vows is a matter of time. I like to say, be content where you are. Let God use you where you find yourself and be happy in your current season. If you are not enough without it (whatever the ‘it’ in your life represents), you will not be enough with it.